Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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