Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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