I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
