I cockslap morals
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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