I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
