five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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