I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
