So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
