You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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