I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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