he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Shame - the story of my life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
