turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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