So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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