is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
