What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
