Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
