that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
