yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
