last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
