I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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