I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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