I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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