just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
