Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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