I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
