My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
