I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
