what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
