My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You may now shotgun with the bride
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
