I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
