Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
