I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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