I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
