Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
