i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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