I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
