david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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