The maid of honor just puked.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no, he came in my armpit
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
