Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
