So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
