Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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