Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
