He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
