I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
