awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
