so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
