dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
