separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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