the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
