My sheets look like a crime scene.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
