WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
