Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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