remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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